September, 2020
I hate bridges. The higher and longer they are, the more I dislike them. And hauling four tons of travel trailer doesn't make them any more endearing.
The month of August spent in Canada was great, but I discovered that there's nothing like coming back to the USA. Even the first speed limit sign — in MPH instead of KPH — made me smile. But here's the thing: I hate bridges.
"It was long... it was high, and it was narrow. ...This bridge had it all."
The border crossing where we returned to the U.S. was on some islands in the St. Lawrence River. Google Maps told me there were a couple of bridges, but they didn't look too long and in the absence of details I figured, how bad could it be.
So imagine my surprise when I rounded a curve on Interstate 81 and was greeted by the sight pictured here.
There is a photographic trick at work that makes this bridge appear shorter and less steep that it really is. Actually, the first half goes up at about the same angle as... Oh hell, it goes straight up! It's like the start of the scariest roller coaster you've ever been on. It was long (the map said around 3000 feet, but I'm pretty sure it was closer to 3 miles), it was high, and it was narrow. It was a trifecta. This bridge had it all. I won't say I was terrified, but I briefly considered turning around, renouncing my U.S. citizenship and becoming a Canadian. At that moment, it seemed an entirely sensible thing to do.
But with no exits, I had no choice but to utilize a lesson learned long ago: when you can't go left or right and you can't go back, nut-up and forge ahead. I stepped on the gas and started up the hill.
When I say "stepped on the gas," what I really I mean is, I took my foot off the gas and slowed to a crawl. You can see the 40 mph sign in the picture, but there was no way I was about to go that fast, at least not with my eyes open.
So, I inched up the incline, trying with all my might to keep looking straight ahead. Higher and higher, heart pounding, hands in a death grip on the steering wheel. Then, about halfway up, I noticed three — count 'em, three — tractor-trailers barrelling downhill in the other lane. As I said, this was a very narrow bridge — two lanes only — so when I say, "in the other lane," what I really mean is, "holy crap, they're coming right at me!" My trailer is eight feet wide and the width of each lane was, to my eye, about seven feet eleven inches. Somehow, all three of the big rigs managed to pass by with no sounds of crunching fiberglass and if I hadn't blacked out just before then, I might have seen how they did it.
After what felt like hours, we crested the top and started on the equally long downhill leg, which was only slightly less panic-inducing since, at that point, we had to be at an altitude of about 10,000 feet. If I'd had the courage to look down I'm sure I would have spotted commercial air traffic below. And let me just mention that the only thing less fun than pulling a four-ton trailer up a steep hill is having four tons of trailer push you down the other side.
But we finally made it back to sea level and dry land, at which time I breathed a deep sigh of relief and began unclenching, well... everything that had been clenched. It took a few miles for my heart to settle back into my chest and return to near normal. At that point I said, "I hope I NEVER have to do that again!". I actually said it out loud.
Have you ever said something and then wished you could snatch the words right back out of the air? Well, a moment later I rounded another bend in the road and discovered...
That damned bridge had a twin!
I am not making this up. I was facing a second bridge that looked very much like the one I had just survived — barely. I'm pretty sure the two bridges weren't identical though because the second one looked longer. And higher. And narrower.
We somehow managed to get over that one too although, once again, the how is a bit of mystery. As mentioned, I hope to never have to repeat that experience. But if it ever comes up again, well, I'm sure I'll enjoy being a Canadian.
Go Maple Leafs, eh!
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